12.18.2007

Why I am Sad

My money is tight. My son is going off to college and I don't have enough money to pay for everything. he may have to go to Ft. Lauderdale & stay with my ex. I am gaining weight again. I eat because I am sad &  it is a very yucky cycle. My daughter is going to Florida for Christmas. My mom is coming to visit and she doesn't like doing anything. i still feel lonely in GA. I want to do more for the kids, but is it ever enough? I can't seem 2 keep the house clean enough. My life in Florida was manageable..at least most of the time. I feel so drained sometimes. Maybe this is just my period talking. I just want to get my life here 2 work for me better than it is. This 2 shall pass.

12.08.2007

So pissed

I am so pissed I could scream. I am not sure whether it is hormones or what but every person around me it really on my last nerves. All except my baby son. Let see where do I start. Last night is as good a place as any... It is a Friday night so I should be glad but lately the weekends hold very little meaning to me except I get to sleep past 6am.  My hubby gets to have his cigars , beer, and talk shit with his brother for a few hours. What do I get? Same as always not a damn thing. I get to watch TV by myself, cook the kids some dinner, and handle al the kids. Like I said before nothing different from the weekdays. So he finally comes to bed around 1130pm buzzed and tries to snuggle up against me and passes out.
How I love Fridays.
I wake up this mornin with plans to go and do some things. I go downstairs and the kitchen was not clean.
Ugh...whatever.

12.02.2007

Feeling blah . . .

      I am sitting in my messy bedroom. My kids are watching TV, my DH is out teaching his stepson to drive. The baby is asleep. I should be happy but I feel  very blah. I woke up with a lot of energy and motivation to get stuff done. Well..now I am fighting feeling crappy.
        I was feeling ok until my DH said he was goin go 2 his brothers house 2 hang out. I am not sue why it bothers me so, maybe it is because I dont have any real close friends here yet. We judt moved here in June 2007. Or maybe its is because as a SAHM is spend my time cleaning up after everyone and never seem 2 catch a break & I resent him being able 2 do for himself.  Being a SAHM is very thankless...I guess I never really took how I would feel about that into consideration.
         Plus I am not 2 thrilled with her I look in the mirror. I just wanna cry. I know I jsut had a baby a few months agao but that doesnt stop by feelings.
        I could go on with all the things that I feel are wring with my life but I do not want to be that person. I waan feel joy.  i want to feel good about my life and where I am at. I hop I can shake this feeling really soon.

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