Things are always changing. I am no different. As the end of the year draws closers. I am filled with numerous thoughts and emotions. I do not want 2 b filled with regret this time next year.


I did it!

I am registered for my 2nd 5k. It has been like 5-6 onths since I ran my 1st one. I am no where near ready, but oh well. I am registered. I also registeredmy 12yo daughter. She asked if I would do it with her. So what the heck. I will use this run as the baseline for this year. I wanna see myself improve and change.

This is the run we are doing....


return of...

,,,, hmm
how 2 label myself always challenging. i had deicded i didnt wanna wait 2 get back 2 the gym on the 1st. so figured the day after christmas would be my starting point. i weighed in at 220.8. yuck.
im still planning on walking the 1st of january 5k. its gonna be a beast but i really wanna do it. im still looking 4 motivation. i have all of these tools but i just need 2 use them.
i love my body bugg and hubby got me the watch 2 go with it 4 christmas. plus i got a food scale and a ric ecooker. all stuff i need and wanted. i keep getting rid of my bullshit 2 excuses. this body has 2 changhe. i wanna go 2 my reunion looking good. i dont hafgta 2 b a size 10 but i could do it if i set my mind 2 it.
so i will be back on here more as well.
on another note, my mom is here. shes driving me crazy but not as much as last tiime. her meds are working well.
aww crap ran outta time. im be back.


Winter Break - Yay

Yes! Yes! Yes!

I am on winter break. No work for over 2 weeks. At least no work at school with other peoples kids. I have my children to spend time with. I also want to start some better habits and hit the gym. I hope the babies take the gym day care cause I wanna go every morning like I used to before I went back to work.

I took a look back at my 101 in 1001 blog....I felt a bit disappointed in myself. I had such lofty goals. I am not quitting on the list just reflecting on it.



Yes... I have laryngitis. I am home & so is hubby and the babies. Aneglina has pink eye and ear infection in one ear. Fun day for all at our house. :-)
I have been wearing my body bugg but not tracking my food. Which is not good. I will be back on track soon. I am trying to decide on a good weigh in day. One that can help me stay on track. I used to weigh in on Friday bit if my weight was down I would eat like crazy all weekend. So I aml eaning toward Sunday or Monday. Any thoughts on this would be great.


Speechless literally

The end of the year is approaching and winter break is so close. I can't wait. I plan on getting back in the gym. Right now...I am speechless literally... practically. I am losing my voice, It is no fun. But I can deal. I have 2 friends from work who have agreed to do the resolution 5k with me on jan 1st. I am very excited. I am also starting a betting pool for winter break weight loss. I wanna get every 1 to put in $10. Whoever loses the greatest % of weight wins the cash. Cool huh. I am going to bring my scale in on Friday and promote my plan for the next 2 days.


Forced Fitness

I was talking with hubby about how I feel like I do better with deadlines loomin over me. Like I made it to the gym with few excuses when I was training for my 1st 5k. I think I need that kinda pressure. SO I started looking up some 5k. Yes winter 5ks. I don't plan on running them but just walking would be enough for me. Just enough to keep me focused and feeling active.

Here is what I am thinking.
Resolution Run... Ok it'd be a walk, but I would do it just the same. January1st 2010. How cool would that be...? I think it'd be awesome if maybe my 12yo daughter and I did it together.
Resolution Run

February 2010

March 2010
2010 Atlanta Women's 5K

Hmmmm ... Caution.....

....end of the year approaching. Trying to think how I want to end the year and what I want for myself for the year to come.

2010 is 20 years from my high school graduation. My 20 year reunion is coming and I am a little nervous about it. I want to go looking good. I do not have to be a size 6, but a size 10 would be great.

I just wanna get my body back to a shape that I like. One of healthy size.... One that allows me to do more things... I wanna be fulfilled. I desire a life of purpose and meaning. Oddly no one is stopping me but me & my excuses. My lameness...my fear...my procrastination.

But 2morrow is a new day. I can turn things around and get it done. I wish I had a competition to enter. SOme way to be more accountable and take this weight loss seriously. I will work it out.

Random thoughts

I can't believe that the end of the year is so quickly approaching. I feel like I did not necessarily accomplish all that I wanted. I am back at work and trying to get my body back in2 shape. I know if you have been reading my blog then you know how I have not done so great at losing weight. I think the problem is 2fold. I really enjoy eating junk food. And I cannot stick with my workout regime.

I got the body bugg for my birthday. It has given me a good perspective on my eating. I have been very honest in logging what I eat. I really want to get to the bottom of why I overeat. I mean I just finished watching the season finale of biggest loser & I know that eating is more than just to sustain myself.

I am excited about winter break. I want to get back on the bandwagon & start honoring myself more. Taking better care of myself. Then I will feel better mentally & physically.


Last day being 37....

Yes my bday is 2morrow. I can't believe that I am going to be 38. In some ways I feel it and in others I don't. My spirit is young and vibrant. My body is in between. I can do pretty much everything I need to do.However, I get tired more easy than I want. I also have a few things on my lifelong to do list that I physically cannot do YET.
My hubby got me a bodybugg (just what i asked for) and it has given me an interesting peakinto my actual calorie burn. I love it 2 say the least. I am actually tracking what I eat. That has alwasy been a major abttle/issue for me.


My birthday outing

I went out dancing with some girl friends Friday night. I celebrated early because my real bday falls on the Saturday after thanksgiving. So I figured that everyone would be busy. I had a blast. I drank a little 2 much, but woke up feeling great. I danced the night away. Going out with my girlfriends is fun. The hardest part was finding an out fit that I felt attractive in. Here is a pic of me with hubby just before I left the house.
I wanted to get some really cute boots but my calves seem to be oversized so I couldn't find any that fit comfortably. It's weird I know that I am pretty enough, but my weight just does nothing for me. I hate ,y double chin. That is one thing I can't wait to get rid of. I know you are wondeirng...no i haven't been to weight watchers in a week. It seems to pointless. I don't track. I don't feel like it. Apparently eating is more important to me. I wish I knew why. Maybe it because it is so much easier.
I think hubby is getting me the body bugg. I hope he does then maybe that'll be the inspiration i need.


Humpty Hump

  • weigh in--
  • workout--
  • finish laundry--yes i am still working on it
  • cook dinner
  • clean glass table
  • add info to sparkpeople
  • track my points & calories
feeling really blah and hoping that Wednesday I get more done.


Monday Monday

Sunday was very productive even though I feel yuck. I have been sniffling all weekend. But I will continue on... I felt like it was a good day overall. I feel ready for the week. I am going to change WW meeting from Tuesday to Monday. I will be meeting new people but its cool.

My to do list today 11/08/09
  • weigh in--will weigh in WW
  • workout--
  • finish laundry--finish up
  • print packing slips
  • cook dinner
  • calculate fund raising stuff for daughter
  • email/text ppl who ordered
  • clean glass table
  • add info to sparkpeople
  • track my points & calories
Still got the sniffles. I forgot my sudafed and paid the price for it today at work. Oh well.
Work was decent. The people I work with a pretty fun to be around. We laugh and joke and work hard. What more could I ask for, well. a little more money would be nice. :-)

I spent 2 hours of my evening helping book a flight for my mom to come visit. So ironic on so many levels. 1st because her last Christmas visit was a nightmare. She made me so inhappy that I cried a few times. She was no help with the kids. She criticized everything I did and talked about me behind my back bad to my son and my husband. 2ndly because i don't even want her here. I know that she is my mom, but you don't pick your relatives. It is so unfair when she visits. I got so gypped n the parent department. I am so thankful that I am not more screwed up. I am so serious. Did I mention how she was bitching & complaiing the majority of the phone call....? And she didnt even say thank you.

Oh well.... its water under the bridge. 2morrow is a new day.

Exercise and rewards - NOV & DEC 2009

• Weekend Recumbent Bike 10 minutes
• Weekday Recumbent Bike 5 minutes

Weekdend cardio
• Sunday CrossTrainer 50 minutes Interval 1-1/10-5
• Saturday XTrainer 30minutes on weight training

Cardio Rotation
• Stairmaster
• Stairstepper
• Rowing Machine
• Treadmill

Rewards by Week
1. Eyebrows waxed
2. Nails
3. Hair
4. Jeans
5. Bra
6. Exercise outfit
7. Massage
8. Body bugg

11/8/09 Week 1 213# 45.9%
11/15 Week 2
11/22 Week 3
11/29 Week 4
12/6 Week 5
12/13 Week 6
12/20 Week 7
12/27 Week 8

Being productive...

My to do list today 11/08/09
  • weigh in 213#
  • workout--60 MINUTES OF CARDIO
  • finish laundry--started
  • iron clothes for work
  • take vitmains
  • charge iPod
  • print packing slips
  • pack gym bag
  • cook dinner
  • calculate fund raising stuff for daughter
  • email/text ppl who ordered
  • clean my room
  • clean glass table
  • add info to sparkpeople
  • track my points & calories
11am--workout done, just finishing eating breakfast..now I have to focus on getting things done. My workout was really good. I worked out a nice sweat and really cleared my head. I came up with an incentive list. I wanna workout everyday. For each week that i meet my goal I give myself a reward. The rewards are awesome because they help me treat myself. I think if I treat myself then I will feel more self-worth. I know that lately I have not been feeling like I am as valauble as I know in my heart that I am.

WW vs AA

I have fallen off the bandwagon and I have fallen hard. I can say that I grateful that my drug of choice is food. It is like I sneak around to eat stuff. I think about food way too much. Its really kinda of sad. I am actually really embarassed. I am in the viscious cycle. I eat then I hate how I look and feel. Then I think about working out and sometimes I even work out only to overeat again. It is so not what I want for myself. It is like I give up too easy and do not work hard on getting my life in order.

I read a quote . . . .

If we really love ourselves, everything in our life works. Louise L. Hay

So I guess there is some level of self loathing going on. I know it will not help me reach my goals. I know I can start over at any time. So why not now. Why not here. I want to stop this ridiculous cycle.


Update & Refocus

Well... I have lost a total of like 4 lbs on weight watchers. I was down 7.2 lbs. But thanks to some self sabotage I was off track. I need to rid myself of the attachment I have to eating....eating out more specifically. I have spent the last 2 months trying to get my bearings back where work, family, etc are comcerned.

I think I am ready to get even more serious about this weight loss. I have a few barriers to deal with. I have found a good weight watcher group so I have the accountability peice down. Now i need to work the program. I started out string then started to cheat, But no more. I have 33 days until my 38 birthday. I want to eat super on point and lose 13lbs. I want to get under 200#.

So here is what I am thinking my goals for the next 33 days.
  • I eat within my points daily & track on WW website.
  • I drink at least 64 ounces of water daily.
  • I work out for 60 minutes each on Saturday & Sunday.
  • Attend my WW meetings weekly.
  • Workout at gym Tuesday & Thursday after work for at least 30 minutes.
  • Have at least 1 personal trainer session a week.
  • Weigh myself every morning.
  • Blog before bed about my daily progress.
SO here it goes....


WW Day 1

So today wa my 1st day on WW. I think overall it went well. I stayed within my points. Yay me.
I get 34 points which is alot. I think it was manageable which is reassuring. I have my meals pretty much planned out for 2morrow.

I am curious to see how much hunger I have to deal with. I am also only packing healthy snacks...cukes, carrots, etc. Maybe even a banana. No more sweet iced tea for me for awhile.


Well it's official....

I went to my 1st weight watchers meeting. Tonight was my last night of eating without regrd or any1 asking about my food consumption. I am nervous, excited...ready. My point goal for the day is 34. I am already thinking about what I am going to eat tomorrow. I guess that is a good thing.


Feed back please

I am so off the bandwagon and ready to really make it happen.
I was thinking about doing weight watchers.. ...

What have been your experience or thoughts on this...?


One of these days...

Every had one of those days that you wanted to end but yet you didn't wanna face the day to come? That is how I am feeling now. Life has me running like a million miles per hour. I haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks. I am eating every piece of sweet I can put my mouth on. My sex life is non-existent. I am behind on my household stuff. And the list goes on. I can & will get through this. In my heart I am sure of it.. .. ..

However, I need to share why I am really stressed about. I am dealing with my mother and her depression and it is so difficult. I try to console her and be there for her, but it is getting so frustrating. I do not even know how to explain what she does and says that drives me crazy.

She says that she is lonely and sad. I suggest getting counseling and/or medication. She yells at me and tells me she's tried everything. If I say volunteer at church or shelter. She tells me she's tried that and it too hard for emotionally. She calls me every day to talk to my 2yr old... Not my 18yr old, or the 12 yr old, or even me. It is like she is using him to fill an emotional need. I know crazy huh? Thats what I think too. Any who... I just wanted to share... I know that this is great place for support and understanding.

I miss reading every one's blog. I am hoping that his long weekend I will be able to catch up. By the way, the new job is coming along. I am still not as organized at it as I want to be but I am making progress. I think the students are slowly taking to me. :-) Enough outta me for now. I will be back and hopefully sooner than later.


What a week...

Well .... you are reading it right. I have a job. I got a last minute interview on Monday. The principal called me at 315pm, by 530pm I was in his office doing/having a brief interview. He wanted me to start on the next day, but I had to wait until Wednesday to start because my dad was flying in Tuesday a.m. AND I needed to find a sitter. So I spent Tuesday looking for a sitter and getting in some quality time with me dad.

Wednesday a.m. came to quickly after a night of very little sleep. The students seem good, but I need to get my classroom how I like it. I am now a 7th grade Social Studies teacher. More details to come.


(written on Friday) I want to feel like the weekend is for me to relax, but I have a feeling that is not going to happen unless i get some stuff done. So another list...No laughing....

Oh well I started this post and never got around to finish it. I sit here with my hubby making diner. I should be grateful but I am in a shitty mood. I am still unemployed. I am still fat. My hubby still gets on my nerves alot. It is like he has no idea what I going through and I alos think he is to picky about stuff. I take care of as many a 7 kids and use on a daily basis. Our finances are tight and that is totally stressing me out. I wanna feel carefree sometimes, but it is really hard espcialy being a mom & a wife. I need 2 take more time for myself but it rarely happens.


To do Tuesday

II really thought I was getting stuff done. I was mistaken.

This is yesterdays leftover list.
I have got 2 be better today. Focus. Focus. Focus. (said in a chanting voice)
  1. finish all laundry
  2. balance bills
  3. workout
  4. job hunt
  5. clean kitchen floor
  6. work on my 101 in 1001 list
  7. catch up on OPB
Well another day that did not work out as planned. I did squeeze in a 45 min workout. But I spent 3 hours of my afternoon getting my stepson registered for high school. What a pain in the behind. I did, however, get a job lead that I am praying for.


Mellow Monday

My daughter starts back schoool. Yay.
I don't have ajob yet. Boo.

I am going back to the gym Yay.
I weighed 208.8# yesterday which isn't too bad at all considering how I have been eating with reckless disregard.

Here is what I hope to accomplish to do:
  • finish all laundry
  • balance bills
  • clean out fridge
  • workout--done 45mins
  • job hunt--applied to 2 job in COBB County, emailed resume to a contact, and other 4 districts didn't have any jobs open that I qualify for.
  • clean kitchen floor
  • work on my 101 in 1001 list
  • catch up on OPB (other peoples blog)---i was behind but I am trying to read and catch up

Gotta run. Life calls.

  • 15minutes on recumbent bike
  • 30 minutes on crossramp/eliptical


School starting

My oldest daughter is going into 7th grade tomorrow. Then next week my oldest son starts his sophomore year in college. Where has the time gone...? It slips away. I have to cherish life and enjoy it.

I haven't worked out in probably 2 weeks. But i am going to the gym 2morrow. I have my gym bag packed. I need 2 find my headphones. I am hoping my blahs will diminish as I get back n2 the swing of life.

There are many things 4 me 2 complain about, but complaining isn't going to make what is bothering me any better. Just say a prayer for me as I weather the storm that is my life.


Fresh start needed..

As I finish off a tube of Oreo cookies & read blogs I really feel caught in my own ocean of emotions. I have been thinking about why I have been doing what I have been doing. I am doing it because I am choosing to stay this way. But why I ask myself....I realize that I have been using food and it has been abusing me. I don't wanna do this anymore.

I did it and now I am done. I do not want to keep hating what I see in the mirror. IT all begins and ends with me.

I wantto write more but baby is crying. More in the a.m.


Lost but soon to be found

My internet has been shaky and my desire to post has been shaky also. But I am getting out of my funk. My weight has stayed about the same so that is good. I have been on 5 more interviews. I was feeling really good about them. One principal even told me she would recommend me for the position. I was so excited. The next day that district froze all hiring. So for now I am waiting for the call for work. I am a bit bummed because teacher planning starts Monday. I really wanted to start with the rest of the teachers, but it doesn't seem to be in cards for me yet.

Some one sent me a text that read " A delay is not a denial." I am keeping that in my head. I will be back on track.


Wacky Weigh in

210.4...this was Monday
The best rode to hell is the slow and gradual one. That is how I have been feeling. Like I have been testing the limits and I know the outcome. I get mad at myself but still do it. I am sure some of it is stress from my job hunt... but most of it is just eating 4 eatings sake.



Going back...

That is what I feel like the last few days have been like. It is a dreadful existence. Dreadful in that I am not living my fullest life. For some reason I keep failing myself. I know what I need to do but keep doing other wise. It sucks. Then I try to play catch up.

I have no excuses. I am the summation of my choices and I acknowledge it.


...are only as good as the actions that follow.

I ate like I was trying to gain weight. Like I was challenging my body to see what it would do when I ate out for all 3 meals. Not a good idea that for sure. The scale is up 1.6#. I know i didnt eat an extra 5000 plus calories,but still. I do not know why I do this to myself. I finally get under 210 and within the eyeshot of ONE-derland and i start screwing up. I feel like I cna't control myself, because I can't.

It sucks!


Smart start

I am up & dressed. Yay me. Scale reads 208.6# ( so-so).

Plan for the day includes:
  • registering girls for camp
  • working out
  • laundry
  • cleaning up desk/office corner
  • bank
  • budget
  • nails & eyebrows done
  • target

Let's see how I do.

here are some pics from my day.



..is about choices.

Whether it be food...relationships..or just what to do with your time. Life is the summation of your choices. God ...bad..or indifferent.

When I wake up in the a.m. i chose what to wear, what to eat, and what actvities my day will consist of. Seems simple enough. But if you add enough of those 'bad' choices up you can find yourself in a place where you do want to be.

This rings true for me in a few arenas. My weight being the one that has me the most frustrated. I mean yes I did have 2 babies only 15 months parts with 2 c-sections. But I was not small when I got pregnant. I was close to 190 them so when I got pregnant I gave myself freedom to eat as I please and freedom from working out.

Actually I had given myself freedom from that long before I got pregnant. So I recognize that I have to make better choices for myself, but I can do it one day & not the next. The challenge is to make those choices daily.

That is what separates the winners from the losers.. in my opinion.

how do I make choosing better for myself the norm? that is the question I pose to myself.. Im going to find the answer. When I do I will let you know.


i hate cleaning & it shows... part 1

OK... so i have let my bedroom go. I am determined to pick it up to the best of my ability. How bad it is....? Well look for yourself... Mind you this is just 1/2 my bedroom... I will take the after pictures before i start on the other side. I am only able to get anything really done because my kids are playing with their little brother & lil sister.

Ok..So now 1/2 mybedroom loks decent. check it out.

drive by blog

hey there...

how are you doin? did u workout this week? hows your eating?

oh me...i am doing ok. just busy with life. life for me right now consists of 1st job hunting, then everything else. in the last 2 months i have only gotten 2 interviews. i am not losing hope just trying 2 b more diligent & creative in my follow up. i tell you i will never take having a job for granted. i just thought i'd mail out a few resumes, get a few interviews, and in no time have job offers thrown at me. so many i'd be turning them down. boy was i mistaken.

anywho... i'll write more when i have another hand free.

Challenge & Accountability

I have been slacking lately. I need some weight loss friends who can work with me and help me while I try to help them. I was doing well when i was 'training' for the 5k. But the 5k is done and I have been feeling blah.

My family is so so in the helpful department. I wanna be competitive. Maybe I am looking for excuses as to why I haven't been doing what I know I should.

I hate how I can be my own worst enemy.

So what is the plan????

I stop effing around with myself and make the rest of this month work for me.

  • Daily Wii Fit in the a.m.
  • Cardio at the gym minimum 30 minutes everyday
  • Drink over 100 oz of water.
  • Take my vitamins daily.
  • Weigh every a.m.
Yes I know food isn't on there. I wanna be successful before I add the stuff stuff. So what I am looking for is a few good, daily blog checkers. A person or better yet people to keep me honest and check my daily blog and my google spreadsheet.

Are you game...? If so email me at stormyvawn yahoo com.



Getting back in the groove...

So here is my to do list:

  • Wii fit - 20 minutes
  • 100 oz water
  • Gym 35 minutes- Elliptical
  • Vitamins
  • Weight-209.4 up 0.6#. Not bad considering I weighed 2 hours earlier and my TOM is still here.
  • Finish laundry-ongoing
  • Call DOE about student loan
  • Check on status of short sale
  • Call back on job prospects
  • Apple for more jobs
Waking up early sucked. My head hurt & I was still tired. It did feel good taking a shower and all.



I have been in a slump lately. I am taking the steps necessary to get out of it. All i think about is eating and the last thing I feel like doing is working out. It is TOM for the 1st time in like 3 months. Maybe that has something to do with it.

On a brighter note...
Here is what I got done/did today that I didnt put off
  • kids laundry
  • babies room
  • picked up my bedroom
  • started laundry
Anywho... I am dragging my butt to the gym. I will check in later.


Goal Jeans... beware

I got these really cute size 14 jeans on sale at Walmart. I thought to myself. Size 18s are loose sorta on me. So what the heck. . . . I might as well get them and make them my "Goal jeans". Ok... here is what the jeans look like hanging up.
So my weight is the lowest its been since I started this journey. I have been feeling real good about my progress. SO i figure I will try them on. AND take pics so we can see how far I have to go and how far I have come. Be warned this is not pretty. If you have recently eaten ... do not look any further...

goal jeans

OK OK... You can stop laughing at any time. I will fit in these jeans before I turn 38. That is in Nov 2009. I think that is a reasonable goal. Maybe each month I should try these on again.

What do you think...?



Being a stay at home mom is challenging. Not physically demanding, but mentally & emotionally straining and draining. The routine if it can be freeing or sometimes fell like a trap. Like today... I do not feel like cooking. I am an okay cook. Trust me no one in my house is starving. They are all well fed. There are just too many people to feed. I have 4 kids plus 2 step kids in the house. plus me and hubby. So 6 ppl to feed. Its like being a chef. Ugh.

Plus the older kids do not appreciate anything so it like doing for ungrateful people. yes I am in a funk. I will work thru this.

I still need 2 figure out what to whip up for dinner. I hope it doesn't suck too much. Oh well....

BTW- yes I am looking forward to summer being over & school starting up.

I'm back...just barely

208.8# that's right. I am down 2 lbs. It is a fluke but i'll take it. I have barely worked out and ate like crap, but hey. I am only 9 lbs from "one"derland. I am excited to say the least. Things have been hectic around my house. My mom came for a short stay. Yay for me. It was only like 2.5 days. It was the perfect length. Anything longer than that and its like WWII.

I am still looking for a job. I haven't heard back from the other interview yet. No news is good news in my opinion. I am still checking back on jobs I have applied for in an attempt to get more interviews. I will feel much more at ease when I sew up this job search situation. It is kinda an ego bruiser not having a job yet. I know the market is tough, but still.

Anyway... I am slowly getting back into the swing of working out. It a lil rough but I know working out needs to be a regular part of my day 2 day stuff.

This week I worked out:
Today for 25 minutes on the treadmill
Yesterday 55 minutes-30 minutes on weights & 25 minutes on the recumbent bike

I plan to keep this up. Oh well...that is where I am now. I will write more later. I have stuff to get done around the house.


Check it out...

This came in the mail today. Yay me!

I won this pic. I was the biggest Lisa Lisa when I was a teenager.


Object in motion...

remains in motion. I am trying to stay moving and get stuff done. My mom is visting for the weekend. My house is messier than I want. So far I have cleaned my babies room, the living room, and the dining room. My next step is my bedroom. Never a dull moment.

I didn't make it to the gym yet. I got sidetracked job hunting and working on my resume. I thought resume was good but my friend, who is an principal, feels it is too plain and doesn't really paint a good picture of what I have and can do. UGH.. so I am going to revise it again.

Here is what I wanna get done
  • Clean babyroom
  • Clean living room
  • Clean bedroom
  • Wash & Dry laundry
  • Put away clean clothes
  • cook dinner
  • Apply for more jobs
  • Check back on job applied for
  • workout


On the hunt...


...for a job that is. I have another interview tomorrow. This interview is with another county for a support staff position. I am excited abut getting back in the work force. I will miss being home with my babies everyday, but I know this is what I need to do.

I also know that once I go back to work my weight loss will go faster.

My goals for this week are
  1. get a job
  2. exercises 5 days
  3. stay on top of my laundry
  4. keep my room clean
  5. work out my debt free plan
Gotta run baby is fussing.


My 1st 5k....

I did it. I ran/jogged my 1st 5k today. It was so hot and so hard, but I got it done. My goal was to finish it in under 45minutes. My time was 42:23. We arrived at the park around 730am. I got registered and got my number bib "626". We stretched and then there was a short wait before the run. Then the race began. I ran almost the entire way. I would have ran the entire thing except for the fact that I pushed it too hard up the last lil hill. I was so out of breath. I know I was busting my butt because this a.m at 630am i weight 210.8# and when I got home I weighed 208.8#/ That is a 2 lb loss even after eating a bagel, a banana, a small muffin, 1 pint of water, and a 12oz powerade.

I definitely felt a bit unprepared. I think my Nike plus does not keep accurate count of my running. I say this because when i got done running the 3.2 miles my nike + showed that I had run 3.9 miles. So I had an overinflated sense of what how far I could run. Talk about disappointment.

But I disgress. I did it and now I can do it again. I will get faster in time. I have only just begun to really do this and I need to recognize that these things take time.


5k tomorrow

So it's that time. I can't believe it. My first 5k is 2morrow.
It has been 2 long months getting to this point. I am hoping I can run the entire way. I slacked off towards the end so I am curious if I can pull it off.

Here is my progress:
prec25k weight 216.6#
C25k Start Date 4/21/2009
Week 1 miles 8.05 Week 2 Miles 8.79 Week 3 Miles 7.52 Week 4 Miles 8.24 Week 5 Miles 5.89 Week 6 Miles 7.18 Week 7 Miles 5.3 Week 8 Miles 1.09 Week 9 Miles 3.28
Total miles 55.34
Post c25k Weight 211

I have a lot 2 do and i do not even know what I am wearing for my run. :-)


What to do Wednesday

I am up and moving. In a good mood and trying to get my day in focus. I didn't weigh in this a.m. because I went and had my breajfast then remembered I wanted to weigh in.

Here is my breakdown

Here is what I ate yesterday Tue 06/23/09

  • 8am bagel with 1/2 tbsp cream cheese 250
  • 1pm ham sub 700 (950)
  • 630pm burgr no bun and fries 400 (1350)
  • 930pm teddy grahma cookie 100 (1460)

My exericse consisted of:

  • a total of 30 minutes on the stationary bike
  • a total of 15minutes of running & walking on the treadmill
  • a total of 15 minutes on the stepper

My to do list....

  1. workout --45minutes
  2. laundry
  3. contact UWF about program form
  4. dinner
  5. office paperwork
  6. read other peoples blogs & comment
  7. count my calories
  8. straighten bedroom
  9. look for job
  10. do something with/about my hair
  11. pay bills
  12. drop off girls
  13. pick up girls

My interview is rescheduled to 8am on Friday. I am nervous and excited. I want to be really prepared. I am going to review my notes and be totally ready. I am believing for this job. I am out for now. I have so much 2 do as you can see and it is already 10:20am.



No I am not talking about the WW program. I am thinking about how to keep moving forward in my weight loss efforts. I get going good and then start to lose steam. I need to find more ways to keep the momentum. I am interested in seeing how counting calories work for me. I know it sounds silly but I really did not want to do it that way. I wanted to eat intuitively... but my food intuition is way off apparently. I am not afraid to admit when I am wrong. SO I am moving forward.

Here is what I ate yesterday Mon 6.22.09
  • 8am bagel with 1/2 tbsp maragine 250
  • 11am grilled cheese and soup 350 (600)
  • 2pm small apple 70 (670)
  • 530pm salad 180 (850)
  • 830pm 3/4 pint of ice cream 510 (1360)
  • 1130pm 1/2 bag of sunchips 110 (1470)

My exericse consisted of:
  • a total of 30 minutes on the stationary bike
  • a total of 30 minutes of running & walking on the treadmill

My to do list....
  1. weigh in--209.8
  2. workout
  3. laundry
  4. make kids lunch
  5. contact UWF about program form
  6. dinner
  7. office paperwork
  8. read other peoples blogs & comment- made it to 4 ppl blogs
  9. count my calories
  10. get outfit for my interview
  11. do something with/about my hair
  12. pay bills
  13. look for a job--> applied to 1 so far
  14. post office
  15. walmart
  16. gas up car
  17. lunch with son
  18. upload paperwork to county I have interview in
  19. drop off and pick up kids from VBS
In the spirit of ending this post on a positive note. This is my 100th post. I am excited that I sticking with posting pretty regularly. I am also thankful for the lovely people who read and follow me. You all keep me honest and help me stay motivated. I feel like blogging is a key component to my weight loss program. It is great to have an outlet like this.

Awwww man.. I almost forgot to mention it. I have a job interview on Friday. I am very excited. This position would be awesoem for so many reasons. I ned to work becuase I want to get outta debt, make a nive rainy day fund, and be able to do more for my kids. I also am looking forward to havingf adult conversation. I love my kids but its time for me to focus a bit more on me. This position would be great because it is a new school and I love the scenario because I wouldn't be the only new person. We all start on an even playing field. I also enjoy being in a school and helping it growing from the ground up. I have done it once before in my career and it was an awesome learning experience.


Every day..

....is a chance for a new start. And 2morrow I start fresh and I have plans to do what I can to make my life better. I have also decided to include my daughter. She and I are going to work together to lose weight. We are going to count calories and exercise 2gthr. So I will have an interesting dynamic to my posts.

Any who.... what do I want to get done tomorrow...? Good question. Some stuff I already had on my list from last week and a bunch of new stuff. :-)
  1. weigh in--211.8 43.3%body fat
  2. workout--60minutes
  3. laundry
  4. schedule interview with Montclair
  5. make kids lunch
  6. contact UWF about program form
  7. scan bank statements
  8. mail bank statements
  9. dinner
  10. office paperwork
  11. read other peoples blogs & comment



1. an act of satisfying; fulfillment; gratification.
2. the state of being satisfied; contentment.
3. the cause or means of being satisfied.
4. confident acceptance of something as satisfactory, dependable, true, etc.
(taken from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/satisfaction)

I have been thinking about this word all day. Like what does it mean to really be satisfied. I sometimes feel in my own life I am never quite satisfied with anything or anyone. What does that really say about me? I do not, though, see myself as a perfectionist. Because I am far from complusive about things being perfect. I feel like everything in its normal state is just less than.

Maybe that is why I have yet to really reach my full potential where my weight loss is concerned because I feel that I , like everything else in my world, am less than. So why bother. The irony, in my opinion is that most people who know me would see me as an optimist. I guess I see myself as a realist.

I gotta ponder this further.

Weigh in whoas

Ok its my weigh in day. I did get on the scale but do not feel like talking about the outcome. I am not surprised. I am disappointed in myself. I want to be consistent in my diet & exercise. I deserve to be a success story but no one can do it for me. I am not stopping or giving up on my self. This is just a setup. I am officially going to face my demons and do what I do not want to do. What is that you ask? I am going to track what I eat. I need to do it because I need to face up to what I am eating.. and why I eat when I do.

Here is what I want to get done today....
  1. upload Lamar's pics
  2. contact UWF about program form
  3. drop off kids
  4. scan bank statements
  5. mail bank statements
  6. look for a job
  7. send pics 2 walgreens 4 nonni
  8. send pics 2 walgreens 4 lamar
  9. laundry
  10. pick up kids
  11. dinner
  12. workout
There are some items that have been on my list all week, but I have done other stuff that is not listed here. Like i got my fathers day shopping for my hubby done yesterday. So I am a lil productive.

Oh yea.. I am still sore. I could barely walk yesterday. It sucked. I have to speak with my new tainer. I haven't been running andmy 5k is this weekend. I will get through iut but not as strong as I had hoped. So what did I weigh...?

214.4# 42.3% body fat.
up almost 3lbs. I am sure that weight is combo of my eating, lack of exercise, and some water retention from the sore legs.

I will do better.

820 210c bagel
1000a 160c cereal ( 370c)

Weight Loss Goals and Plans

My plan: To lose 20 lbs. in 20 weeks
My goal: To reach -70 lbs. or weigh 150

Weekly weigh ins....
03/01 221.0# 46.7%
03/08 220.2#
03/15 219.6#
03/20 219.0#
03/27 217.6# 45.9 Bodyfat% (67.6# left to lose overall)
04/03 215.8# 45.8 Bodyfat% (65.8# left to lose overall) 117#muscle 99#fat
04/10 217.0#
04/17 216.6#
05/01 217.2#
05/08 214.8#
05/15 213.8#
05/22 212.8#
05/29 212.8#
06/05 211.8# 44.7% bodyfat (61.8#s to lose overall) 117# muscle 94# fat
06/19 214.4# 42.3% body fat. (64.4# to lose) 124#muscle 90#fat
06/29 210.4#



Still sore

I saw my trainer on Tuesday for a leg workout and I am still super sore. I didn't even sleep well because I couldn't straighten out my legs. So I am going to work out tonight since I am supposed to weigh in tomorrow. My weight was up 2lbs. I think this is due to my muscles being sore and too much salt. Or I could just be in denial. :-)

I hope to get stuff done around the house so I can feel good about the weekend.

  1. upload Lamar's pics
  2. request UWF send transcript--gotta wait til I get my debit card (dang it)
  3. contact UWF about program form
  4. drop off kids
  5. scan bank statements
  6. mail bank statements
  7. look for a job
  8. send pics 2 walgreens 4 nonni
  9. send pics 2 walgreens 4 lamar
  10. pick up kids
  11. laundry


My next mission...

Well my 5k is less than 2 weeks. So I started to think about what I wanted to do next. I could just add miles and train for a 10k, but i didn't wanna just keep running. I wanted to mix things up. So I decided that I want to train for a Triathlon. Ok pick up your jaw up off the floor. I did my research and learned that there are different kinds of triathlons. I am going to make my 1st triathlon a "sprint" triathlon.

Sprint Triathlon Distances
Swim Bike Run
750m 20m 5k
0.47mi 12.4 mi 3.1 mi

So I am slowly beginning to incorporate bikng and swimming to my weekly routine. The program I found says you need to be able to swim for 20minutes, bike for 30 minutes, and run for 20 minutes straight before starting. So that is where I am at. I am strong, sorta kinda, in biking and running. Swimming...well not so much.

Here is my to do list:

  1. upload Lamar's pics
  2. request UWF send transcript--gotta wait til I get my debit card (dang it)
  3. contact UWF about program form
  4. drop off kids
  5. pick up kids
  6. laundry
  7. dinner
  8. continue job hunt
  9. call back some schools
  10. workout-60 mins so far today


to do 4 Tuesday

here is what I have planned

  1. drop off kids
  2. gym with trainer
  3. get ink for printer
  4. request UWF send transcript--gotta wait til I get my debit card dang it
  5. contact UWF about program form
  6. more laundry
  7. apply for jobs
  8. make contact sheet 4 job hunt
  9. dinner
  10. pick up kids
  11. upload Lamars pics
  12. get missing groceries
I woke up in a good mood, even though I was and am still sleepy. My day today is going well. I am feeling really focused on finding the right job for me. I also need 2 count my blessings. The kids seem to be enjoying vacation bible school. I am relishing in having time to myself.

Manic Monday

I have big plans for today.

Here is my to do list:
  1. mail thank you notes--done
  2. mail FETC scores--done
  3. laundry---with 8 ppl in the house this will never be done
  4. request UWF send transcript
  5. contact UWF about program form
  6. get a job--still looking
  7. cook dinner---done
  8. put away baby clothes
  9. workout
  10. drop off kids---done
  11. pick up kids---done
  12. dry cleaners---done
  13. bank---done
by 615pm I had 7 things done. Some stuff is ongoing. My 2 do list is never going 2 really be finished I feel good about what I did accomplish.


Why yes I was. I got some important stuff done. So much so that I am still awake thinking about what I wanna get done this week.

Friday I went on a recruitment tour. I am looking for a job. I am looking forward to going back to work. I liked the tour and I am really optimistic about my job prospects.

Saturday I went to a career workshop. I got more information and I have totally revamped.

Sunday I went shopping for the next 2 weeks and gased up the car.

But.... I did not get to exercise. Oh well. I will be at the gym tomorrow. I have an appointment with the trainer on Tuesday.


Scale is up 1 lb. I am not surprised. Something is wrong with me...in my head I mean. I knew it was my weigh in and I ate 2 dinners last night. It is like I wanna be able to prove the entire diet community wrong. I wanna be able to eazt what I want and still lose weight. Well duh thats not gonna happen.


Thinking Thursday

I woke up in a good mod. I don't know why because the scale was up almost a pound and weigh in tomorrow. But hey I do know why....my weight does not and should not define my mood, my happiness, or my lot in life. Even with all that I am dealing with I am very blessed. I sit her and could count my blessings for the whole day.

Come to think of it. That is something I really want to get better at.

I am grateful for:
  • my adorable kids
  • my loving husband
  • catching up with old friends.


I think I am addicted to subway. I want 2 eat it everyday. Whats up with that?
Maybe I just like to eat fresh. LOL.
My weigh in is 2morrow and my whole afternoon is spent thinking about food. Ugh, its going to be a long night.

Wacky Wednesday

Ok...My wednesday isnt that wacky. Things have gotten real busy having extra kids to deal with. I felt like I was in a good place with working out and such. But iuts been two weeks since my skids (step kids) have arrived & i haven't quite gotten back in my groove.

I feel like time keeps getting away from me & like I can't get enough stuff done. I have to get more organized and focus on what really matters. Its 11:15pm. Kids are in their areas. My oldest is working on his Philosophy homework. The preteens & teenage kids are watching movies/Tv while goofing around on the internet. The babies are both sleep as is my dear hubby. YAY!

So where to begin. I am still working on preparing for my 1st 5k which is a little morethan 2 weeks away. I am getting more confident in my ability to run the entire way. I ran for 30 minutes straight. My total treadmill workout was 35 minutes and 2.9 miles.

Its been so crazy that i never even posted that I registered for my 1st 5k back almost a week ago. I have 2 get it 2gther.

My laptop died last week. I just it back on Tuesday. yay me. But when my laptop died I had to reformat my Ipod. Ugh. I lost one of my runs. But i did get all the info off of it. Check this out. I got my running stuff in Dec. I didnt do much running until April though.

But so far my shoes have logged a minimum of:
  • 37 workouts
  • 3.28 miles being the farthest
  • 53.68 miles total
  • 16:01 hours
  • 8805 calories


C25k - Week 7

<---The plan---->

Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2-1/4 miles (or 25 minutes) with no walking.

06/07/09 MOnday
Location: Treadmill
Walking pace 3.0
Running pace 4.0
Total Time 30:00
Total Distance 2. 39 miles
Pace 12:32min / mi
Calories 380

Date: 06/10/09 WednesDAY
Location: Treadmill
Walking pace 3.0
Running pace 4.0
Total Time 35:00
Total Distance 2.9 miles
Pace 12:04min / mi
Calories 460

06/xx/09 XXXDAY
Location: xxx
Walking pace 3.0
Running pace 4.0
Total Time x0:00
Total Distance x. xx miles
Pace xx:xxmin / mi
Calories xxx


Manic Monday

I have been a bad blogger. My laptop is out for repairs and I miss her. I have to work on my desktop which is upstairs. Its a pain to get to and I can't supervise the kids well. The day started off great I weighed myself and I was down 0.4#. I know its crazy how my body work. I swear when I eat healthy I barely get results. WTH!

I did my Week7 day 1 run of my c25k program. I can't believe that I am week 7. I ran for 25 straight minutes.It was hard but I pushed through it. I did squeeze in 55 minutes of exercise at the gym but i also played outside played badminton for at least 1/2 an hour. So did really good on my exercise.

Hey I know I must be crazy to attach this pic of me braless but hey whatever. I was having fun. Plus I nurse my daughter on demand so i stay braless during the day, in the house, of course. :-) Yes I need a boob lift. i want one so badly after I lose all this weight.

Any who... Lets review where I stand on my June goals.
  1. Junk food free JUNE. Yes I said it. Now I must do it. NO candy bars. NO ice cream. --->well it is easier said then done but Idoin better.
  2. Do at least an hour of activity per day.--Stolen from Tiffany.-- I am achieving this about 50% of the time as well. I am goin to make this week better than last.
  3. Continue c25k ---totally on track despite a hiccup this past weeken thatI resolved.
  4. Drink 100 oz water daily. ---not 2 good. I am about 50-60% of 100oz.
  5. Eat at least 3 fruits/veggies daily.---> so so I need to get 2 the farmers market more frequently.
  6. Register for 5k--completed on 6/4/09
  7. Complete 5k in under 45 minutes. --->I am feeling like I can do it. I am running about 2.4 miles in 30 minutes.
  8. Get under 205lbs. --->in progress
This weeks to do list:
  • start kids on summer brain work
  • apply for more jobs
  • Dekalb Job Tour (Friday)
  • Saturday-Career Development workshop
  • get laptop
  • complete at least 3 runs MON-WED-FRI
  • review budget


Dieting sucks... but Blog Friends ROCK!

I woke up this a.m. to see only a 1lbs loss. I was so upset. I did so many things right this week. I have avoided junk food, been watching my portions, stopped late night snacking, drnking lotsa water, and damnit I am exckusively breastfeeding my 6 month old. The effing weight should be falling off of me. But it isn't. 1 damn pound. I know it is better than nothing but when you work so hard it feels like nothing. I was starting to feel in control of my eating and really proud of myelf. I ws getting peopke telling me that they see the differece in my face and it felt great. I literally cried this morning. It was so disappointing.

But I have to wipe my tears and keep trucking along. I cannot stay this size. I want to love my body again. Ok...maybe not love but like my body a whole lot. So I will see where the next week takes me. i am supposed to run my last run for week6. I will repoirt on that later.

On a lighter, more pleasant note. Robbie over at A Spiritual Connection gave me and 7 other an award. She has a great blog and is very supportive. The award came at the ideal moment for me. There are no acccidents. Now i get the pleasure of passing this award one to 8 people whose blog-kin-friendship make blogging wonderful. Please check them out for yourself.

  1. Monica @ Confessions of a + Sized Girl
  2. Kate @ Kate is Losing It
  3. Sapphire @ Resplendent Life
  4. Tiffany @ From 12 to 6
  5. Jennifer Brindley @ Ex Hot Girl
  6. Ebony @ Project Hot Mommy
  7. Sammy Sue @ Samantha's Saga
  8. Cindee @ Mak'n Changes
Oh well... the day is calling. I am going to figure this out & turn it around.


June goals...

I need to get my act together. I need to focus on doing stuff right. It's late. I will write more later. I will make a confession.

June goals:

  1. Junk food free JUNE. Yes I said it. Now I must do it. NO candy bars. NO ice cream.
  2. Do at least an hour of activity per day.--Stolen from Tiffany.
  3. Continue c25k
  4. Drink 100 oz water daily.
  5. Eat at least 3 fruits/veggies daily.
  6. Read Bible at least 3 times a week.
  7. Register for 5k--completed on 6/4/09
  8. Complete 5k in under 45 minutes.
  9. Get under 205lbs.

This weeks to do list:
  • Complete SBA form-completed at 830am this morning
  • Clothes to dry cleaner
  • Go through office paperwork
  • more laundry
  • email dad
  • complete more financial aid paperwork for son


General thoughts

It has been over a week since my stepkids have gotten here. And I am real thankful for how it has been so far. There hasn't been any arguing or fighting. Maybe its because I'm not pregnant. I have steady hormones. I survived yesterday without any sweets. I was so proud of myself. In the real world people do not get how major it is to not grab a candy bar when you are at walmart. I was with my daughter and i talked myself out of it.

I completed my 2nd week 6 run. It was rough but I finished. I am trying to really make the most of this month and see how it pays off.

I weigh in 2morrow. I think I should be down. I tried to be super good about my eating. I even went and spent 30 minutes in the sauna and swam 5 laps in the pool. I got out of the pool and felt dizzy. I am falling asleep as I type I may turn in early. I am supposed to do my day 3 run on Friday. I am excited and a bit nervous about it at the same time. I am not sure whether I wanna do it at the gym or outside.  I guess it depends on the weather, what time I get up, how i feel... We shall see.. I need to learn what I should be eating before a run. I think that would helkp me alot also. I gotta go and catch up on blogs. 


C25K - Week6

<----THE PLAN---->

run1:Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then: Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes), Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes), Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes), Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes), Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)

Date: 06/01/09 MONDAY
  • Location: Treadmill @ Gym
  • Walking pace 2.5
  • Running pace 4.2
  • Total Time 35:00
  • Total Distance 2. 48 miles
  • Pace 14:04 / mi
  • Calories 410

run2: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then: Jog 1 mile (or 10 minutes), Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes), Jog 1 mile (or 10 minutes)

Date: 06/03/09 WEDNESDAY
  • Location: Treadmill
  • Walking pace 2.5
  • Running pace 4.2
  • Total Time 35:00
  • Total Distance 2. 47 miles
  • Pace 14:12 min/ mi
  • Calories 405
run3: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2-1/4 miles (or 25 minutes) with no walking.

Date: 06/07/09 SUNDAY
  • Location: Treadmill
  • Walking pace 3.0
  • Running pace 4.0
  • Total Time 30:00
  • Total Distance 2. 23 miles
  • Pace 13:26min / mi
  • Calories xx0


Longest run & Weigh in

* Weight: 212.8# ---no change----
* 4 # of days i worked out (2 days short)
* 140 minutes total worked out (not enough dang it)
Cardio: 125min Weight training: 15minutes
* 5 # days I drank enough water
* 0 # days I logged my food

I ran my longest stint ever. 20 minutes straight. I am officially done with week 5 of the c25k program. I am so proud of myself . Today I hope to get the following things done.

  • Appointment with dental surgeon
  • Job interview
  • Lunch at pizza place
  • Ton of laundry
  • Maybe grocery shopping
  • Clean out fridge
  • Go through office paperwork
  • Fax financial aid stuff 4 son
  • Complete SBA form
Items in red are incomplete. Items in green are the ones I have done.


Way Improved Wednesday

My run went well....
Yay me. I ran for 8 minutes straight 2 times. Just wanted 2 share. Took the kids to an indoor playpark. They all had a good time. Check out the pics.

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