fighting myself

i am @ it again. this whole getting healthy thing feelin like a battle within myself. i say i wanna lose weight & be healthy but so often my actions are counterintuitive. i need 2 stop failin myself. i deserve so much better. i know im worth this.

i know that my situation with my mom still being here isnt helping either. i dislike her and i need 2 address that. yet that is real difficult when she is in my life full time.

its like being a kid agin without control over my environment. its like i lost a piece of my peace when she arrived. it sucks that by doin right by her i am wronging myself. wtf.

my 39th bday is in a few days. i don't dread getting older but i do wish my life was a little better. i know i have alot 2 b thankful for but i have always been who looks for improvement. i have been told that i am never satisfied.

yet why should i be happy with less than what i want? should i change what i want?

is it wrong to want to be a healthy weight?
want my children to be polite & respectful?
to want date nights with my hubby w/o having 2 beg?
to want a few girlfriends i can hang out with?
to want my spouse 2 clean up behind himself?
to want weekends that inolve more thn sitting home.

gott go will finish later


update with nothing new

It has been about a week and half since I last blogged. Nothing to really report. My weight has been creeping up. I feel like I keep playing with my health, Then sometimes I am truly too busy to be bothered. Or too tired. I am looking forward to winter break. I plan on getting back in the gym. I pray I stay well so that I do not have a setback like I did for thanksgiving break.


39th bday today

I turned 39 yrs old today. It was a low key day. Spent time with my family & kept it close to home. I am feeling much better now that the flu meds and stuff are working. I want to make the most of this year before i turn 40.

I am scared to put anything out there for fear of public failure but where id the reward if you don't take a risk...?

So here it goes. I plan on being physically active for at least 30 minutes every day until I turn 40.

I will measure this in various ways.
I can go to the gym.
Exercise on my wii.
Work around house et cetra.

I will also blog something every day.
I will count day the days til I am 40.
I will make this year so much better.

I can do this.

Will you support me?
Will you keep me honest?
Will you challenge me?

I can do this!
10950 minutes of exercise consecutive til my 40th bday.

I did 45 minutes on the wii today.

364 days left 45 minutes total


fighting myself

i am @ it again. this whole getting healthy thing feelin like a battle within myself. i say i wanna lose weight & be healthy but so often my actions are counterintuitive. i need 2 stop failin myself. i deserve so much better. i know im worth this.

i know that my situation with my mom still being here isnt helping either. i dislike her and i need 2 address that. yet that is real difficult when she is in my life full time.

its like being a kid agin without control over my environment. its like i lost a piece of my peace when she arrived. it sucks that by doin right by her i am wronging myself. wtf.

my 39th bday is in a few days. i don't dread getting older but i do wish my life was a little better. i know i have alot 2 b thankful for but i have always been who looks for improvement. i have been told that i am never satisfied.

yet why should i be happy with less than what i want? should i change what i want?

is it wrong to want to be a healthy weight?
want my children to be polite & respectful?
to want date nights with my hubby w/o having 2 beg?
to want a few girlfriends i can hang out with?
to want my spouse 2 clean up behind himself?
to want weekends that inolve more thn sitting home.

gott go will finish later


Thanksgiving Plan Updates

Goals and how I am doing on them...

minimum 1 hour workout of cardio
  • Sat-45min step class 15 min recumbent bike
  • Sun
  • Mon
  • Tue
  • Wed
  • Thu
  • Fri
  • Sat


Plan for my week off

I have big, yet reasonable plans for my week off. I do not wan to be 2 ambitious because I do not wanna feel overwhelmed with work , but I also want to return to work ready for the weeks prior to the winter break.
I also need to re-start my weight loss efforts in earnest. I have not gone off the bandwagon completely but I am off track.

So here is what I am thinking...
  • minimum 1 hour workout of cardio
  • do wii fit plus 4 of 9 days
  • log food 7 of 9 days
  • blog every other day
  • drink 8 glasses of water daily
  • read other peoples blog and comment
In terms of general not fitness related goals here are some of the things I want to accomplish:
  • clean out & organize closet
  • clean out & organize tall dresser
  • go through kids drawers and remove all clothes that are too small
  • donate clothes
Appointments this week
  • doctor
  • counselor
  • wellness coach
So that is what I am thinking. I am excited to see how it all works itself out. Or maybe I should say I am anxious to see how I work it all out.
  • take babies to park


Put the “I” in Your Weight Loss Plan.

  1. Put the “I” in Your Weight Loss Plan. Learn how knowing the answer to one simple question can improve your chances for success by up to 100%.

The basic premise of this step is to drop the excuses and be real with yourself.

Here is what "I" can do.

I can track on my food.
I can exercise consistently.
I can ask for help when I need it.
I can take steps daily to improve my health.
I can schedule time for the priorities of my life.
I will accept my mistakes and learn from them.

(I can't wait to hear what you can do.)

Before the fact.
What specifically are you doing (or not doing) that you need to change? Why do you think this keeps happening? What are the major triggers or causes of this problem?

After the fact
Describe what happened and why you think it happened, and then put your words under the microscope, as above, changing your words to "I" statements to form solutions.

Money Talks...

Money Talks...and well you know how the rest of the saying goes. I was thinking about ways to motivate myself as well as reward my hard work all while savung up for my bigger rewards.

I am going to pay myself $5 for a perfect day. What makes a perfect day you ask? Well for the purpose of this experiment a perfect $5 day means I worked out at least 30mins and did not eat any food from a restaurant.

So here is the breakdown
$5= 1 3omin workout and no restaurant/fast food
$4=1 3o min workout and 1 meal ate out
$3=1 3o min workout and 2 meals ate out
$2=1 3o min workout and all meals ate out
$2=all three meals eaten at home/leftovers etc

What do you think?

No money if I do not work out. SO I can eat all 3

Mind Over Body - 10 steps to a healthy lifestyle

10 simple step huh.
Well what the heck I am going to review these steps and see how I can apply them to my life. I am on a roll so I accept all of the help & support I can get.

I found this article on my Favorite website.

The link is here.

The 10 Steps to Achieve a Healthy Lifestyle :

  1. Put the “I” in Your Weight Loss Plan.
  2. Take the stress out of weighing ins.
  3. Tame your " toxic guilt" before it wipes out your will power .
  4. Tame your Emotional Eating Beast .
  5. Take the mystery out of staying motivated.
  6. Write your vision statement.
  7. Plot your strategy.
  8. Give yourself a reality check-up.
  9. Pave the way for persistence.
  10. Learn from yourself.
I hope you enjoy my journey towards a healthier lifestyle.


My goals...

I have been playing/toying with the idea of setting goals for my weight loss for way too long. Of course, I want to get down to 145 by my 40th birthday. That is a given. That is the easy goal to set.
The hard thing for me to do is break down my goals in to measurable chuncks and come up with some rewards for myself.

Soounds crazy when I read it. I am havig trouble rewarding myself. WTH.

But it is true, I have been doing well since I started this journey anew in September, but I think that secretly I am still holding on to the idea that I may fail.

Here is what I have come up with so far...

Hubby Rewards...
220 Dinner without kids. (10% of Total body weight lost)
199 Dinner & movie without kids. (Onederland arrival)
170 Overnight getaway without kids. (50% of weight loss / 50lbs down)
145 Shopping spree for new wardrobe. (Final Goal weight / 40% of total body weight lost)

So I have the 4 major milestone treats lined up. But I was also considering some in between type rewards. More practical stuff I may need as I shrink down. Some of the items I am thinking of include but are not limited to new undies, new bras, workout clothes, 1-2 pairs of pants, etc.

The in---between milestones would be

What do you think? Any thoughts or additional ideas....?



So I have been at this getting healthy thing for about 6 weeks this most recent time. I am learning alot about myself in the process.

EXERCISE--Can be fun.

WATER-----Can help curve cravings.

I LOVE Sparkpeople----because it gives me motivation & support.

The SCALE----- is not the only measure of success. Not that I mind seeing the number getting smaller.

I met with my wellness coach & did my 1st YMCA workout. I am seeing results but I sure wouldn't mind getting them faster. I am starting to realize that is where the rubber meets the road. That is what separates people who talk about getting healthy and those who actually do it.

You have to be able to stick it out. You have to resists daily. Change how you view food. Change how you value yourself. I didn't gain all this weight in 5 weeks, so I can;t take it off that fast either. You have to deal with why you over eat.

It is an interesting process. When I lost weight the other time, I was in such a different place. I did it for myself but I never looked at what put the weight on me. I think this weight gain was a combination of happiness & apathy. Which I know is a weird combination.

I have a great family. I love my husband & feel like I am so blessed to have the awesome kids that I have. But I suffer from a lack of gratitude sometimes. I often see glass half empty. It is heredity & I have been fighting against it my whole life.

SO I work on being thankful for everything.

With that being said I am thankful for my week and the weeks ahead.

By the way... I am down another pound.


Super fraustrated

I know this is a common topic but I needed 2 share or I might explode. I have like 90 pounds to lose before I feel like I am at my ideal weight. I work a full-time job. I have a great husband and 4 challenging children. Overall... i really 247 my life. I do have a few challenges that really take their toll on me.

The biggest one is my mother. Our relationship is strained at best. She thinks we are close, but truthfully I really do not like her. But I do not express my true feelings because I do not want to hurt her & I feel it would be a major waste of time. Our whack relationship is normally manageable as she lives in another state. Well she is throwing her life away. And expects me to play clean up lady. Since her downward spiral starting in March has cost me over $1200. She gotten 2 DUIs and attempted suicide like 3 times. She has lost her car, her job, her place to stay... EVERYTHING.

She is awaiting a court date that keeps getting pushed back. She is staying withe some cousins in the town next to me. I have been putting off having her come stay with me for the obvious reasons. So yesterday my mom calls all upset. she was left back at the house and her cousin didn't taker her with her. So she sat their pouting and teary eyes. She was complaining about how she just needs to be near her family. Her real family... her immediate family. How she doesn't understand why I don't get it. So I am listening but not commenting.

So as the conversation goes on... She starts to come down on me when she tells me she needs to come for weekend. Well as we already know I don't want her to come 2 my house. Any who... we have words. She starts telling me how she raised my son (which she didn't), how she would help me with anything (which she hasn't) etc, etc. So I let it slip how she is selfish & does not know anything about me. She proceeds to tell me how I need to "get right" and forgive her. Because as a Christian that is what I should do. I tell her that I have forgiven her, but I just don't forget.

So as I am the only child, I am her last & only hope. You would think she would treat me better. Or at least have a little appreciation. I am so done with here. I really wish she wasn't my mom & that I didn't hve anything to do with her. That is not an option so I need to figure out how to navigate this trying situation.

Any advice?


Ephiphany with 418 days to go

Well I wondered how I would share my ephipany or my "light bulb" moment. I acknowledge that I am aging. I do not have a major problem getting older. I mean whats the point? You can not do anything about it.

But it seems lately that I am feeling OLD. Actually, I am feeling older than I believe I should.

What feels old you ask?
  • my knees hurt
  • my feet get swollen easily
  • i get frequent heartburn
  • i am overweight
So I was thinking... "Why is my body failing me?" Then it happen. My light bulb moment.
My body did not fail me. I have failed it. I have failed my body. I have added an extra 100 pounds t it and then expect it to perform at optimum levels. That is absurd.

No need to try to put the blame for me body & health on anyone, but myself. But that is not it. I cannot just sit back and let this madness continue. I have and will continue to work towards getting back to a healthier me.

I am worth it and so is my family. So this triathlon that is my life continues.

So let me pose this question to those who read my blog...

Have you failed your body? Are you ready to turn things around? No matter how hard the battle may seem, the alternative is really in its essence even worse. You can do it. You may occasionally slip. But keep getting back up is the sign of a real champion.

Well... that is my 2 cents.


Update on goals... New to do list

Here is what I wanted to accomplish....

My goals for this week are to:
  • continue work on training for 5k-- postponed until after I go to physical therapist and get the verdict on me running.
  • stairmaster for 15mins
  • balance my budget
  • log my food 7 of 7 days
  • stay within my calories 6 of 7 days
  • finish organizing paperwork---just don't feel like filing the junk
  • spend 10 mins every day reading---been too busy with Farmville, FB, my blog, and sparkpeople.
I do feel that I did attend to what really mattered to me. It showed on the scale. As I did lose a lil over 1 lb.

The next question is "What do I hope to accomplish this week...?"
  • stairmaster for 15mins
  • balance my budget
  • log my food 7 of 7 days
  • stay within my calories 6 of 7 days
  • blog every day

419 days to 40yrs and 145 lbs

I have a new goal. Well it isn't really a new goal. It is my ideal weight and my 40th birthday. I want to weight what I weighed when I was 20. That weight was 145 lbs. Actually I was even smaller ...closer to 135, but I think that is too small for me. So I am aiming for 145 lbs by my 40th birthday.

It calculates out to about 1.5 lbs a week. Its 91 lbs from my weight this past Saturday. It seems like so much weight to lose, but I need to pace myself and build back into my life the healthy eating habits that I need to carry into middle age.

Yes... Thats right I said it. Middle Age. That is what the 40's are to me. I am ok with aging. I just want to be the best me I can be. I can only be that if I am at a healthy weight. I was looking up so an image and I found quite a few that were 2 cute not to share.

Anyway... gotta run. I will be updating ofetn. I welcome any and all help/support/ accountability.


Back to work

I must confess this past week has been awesome. I was able to reinvigorate my workouts. I made a new friend who I hope keeps me honest. I started to tackle my paperwork, although I am not quite finished. It was awesome to sleep in and spend my days with the babies. So I am ready for work and feeling really good.

I hope to continue on this path ...

I was talking with hubby and was telling him how I must accept the fact that this whole exercise thing is not a temporary thing. I need to accept the fact that I need to devote/spend at least 30 mins every day exercising. I would like to eventually increase that time but at my current weight and having 2 small kids makes it a bit difficult.

This whole process of being a whole, healthier me is going to take time. It is a marathon, Heck...more like a triathlon. I need to lose weight, eat healthier, and develop lifelong healthy habits. So i need to be more understanding, more consistent, more focused....

I want to do it right once and for all. I am worth it!

My goals for this week are to:
  • continue work on training for 5k
  • stairmaster for 15mins
  • balance my budget
  • log my food 7 of 7 days
  • stay within my calories 6 of 7 days
  • finish organizing paperwork
  • spend 10 mins every day reading
I have more than that on my mind and to do list but those things are the most important.


1 stupid pound

This is all I am down. 1 stupid pound. I have passed up sweets. Drinks...snacks, etc and that is it. Oh well. I also got my period full on this a.m. So I am praying that this is just period weight. My average calorie burn for the previous week was 2470 calories.

Upside- my body fat is down 2.28 lbs even though my actual weight is only down 1 pound.
Body fat 115.48
body fat 113.10

So I am not moved. I am on a path to being healthy. I will not short change myself any more.

Taking the babies to the zoo so I will get lotsa walking in. Pics to come.


Doin' it, doin' it, doin; it well

I am back on track and it feels awesome. I am counting calories and exercising. In addition, I am doing it with e help of my hubby and my daughter. I feels awesome. I began at 241 lbs. More than I ever weighed in my adult life. I didn't even weigh that much when I was 9 months pregnant.

My hubby was watching what he eats even though he doesnt really have a weight problem. But I felt pressure, but he wasn't pressuring me. It was like I finally just got tired of not liking what I saw in the mirror.

I am focused more now than ever. I am back on SparkPeople. My first full week, I am down a lil over 2 lbs. I want to get down to 150. Hubby says its too low, but I don't think so. I have been juggling what to make my weigh in day, but I think I am going with Friday. I get up at the same time and it keeps pressure on the during the week.

So what I need from everyone and anyone who can is support and pushing. I work better under pressure. It has been very easy to disappoint myself but I hate letting other people down.

My goals this week is to plan out my 5k plan and my Climb Atlanta plan. This is it. I am doing it once and for all. I deserve it. I want it.


Back 2 work

Yay me. I got hired by real school district. I am so thankful. So I started this week working. Summer ended 2 abruptly, but hey I can handle it. So today was day 2. The training was slow as heck. I barely survived. I have one more day and I can do this.

After work, I got really frustrated with my teenage daughter. She asked 2 go 2 youth at church. I told her I was 2 tired then she pouted. So I agreed, and told her it would be the last time because I cannot be running all over town after work. This church is 20 minutes one way. SO I do it and pull off and she calls me back and says the program is on a break until August. I could have screamed.

Oh well... its in the past. Then I came home and was 2 tired 2 cook dinner. So we had Zaxbys salads. Then I washed the babies and put them to bed.

Anyway... I am winding down and trying to focus on getting a routine down.


The only person is me.....

Sometimes I look at my life and smile so big that my face hurts. I catch my babies playing in pool and looking like treasures from heaven. But more times than I care to acknowledge I look around and just get angry. Not that my life is horrible. It isn't horrible, it is just less than what I really want. I am not sure how to explain it.

I feel like Prince's mother...Never satisfied. I know I personally have a several areas where I feel like I have let myself do and be less than I want. I also feel like I have my family behaving in a manner that is way less than what I want for myself and/or for us. Sometimes I can easily deal with or push it out of my mind. Other times it consumes my thoughts and builds up resentment in me that can and has overflowed out of me.

The question I face is what to do and how to handle it...? I know that I am sensitive, but I also know that right is right. I do not want to lower my standard. I also hate feeling frustrated and misunderstood. When I try to explain to hubby how I feel he just complains and asks me what else I want to complain/bitch about.

I do not think he gets that those kinds of remarks push me away from him and create negative feelings towards him that build and build. Those negative feelings concern me more than I have the words to express. I do not want an average life...I definitely do not want a life of less.

I am coming to the realization that I am going to as the song says..."Do me." Cause I really believe that no one else is going to look out 4 me. I know , except for my father in heaven, that I am in this on my own. The only person fully on my side is me. The only person always in my corner is me.

The only person is me.....


Sunday blues

Even though I am off on vacation, Monday is still kinda a blah day for me. Hard 2 get back in the swing of things. I will try to be focused and on task. This week I have nothing major goin on except for the kids and a pit stop off at my job. So in essence this week should be a breeze.

Only time will tell.


I left myself go

It is true and it sucks. I have taken a back seat to the business of me. And it shows. It shows in my sleep. . . .my work....my house... and of course my weight. I have been on vacation for almost a month and life has not slowed down. So that tells me if I am waiting for life to pause while I get my act together, I will be waiting a very long time for real.

So then the next, obvious question is then what ? What to do? I have 2 choices...

1- continue to do what I have been doing which is a terrible choice because I am look in the mirror and see the results of that or
2- move forward and get back on track. Back on track may not be perfect or comfortable but at the end of the day I will like the results way better than choice 1.

Life is totally what you make it and I want more than this on so many levels.
IF others cannot help or support me then they need to just stay out of my effing way.

I am going to sketch out some plans and be back to share shortly.


Tired Tuesday

I am still getting the gist of this getting organized stuff. It definitely takes a mental shift, but I feel like I am making progress in the right direction. I haven't quite been on target with my to-do list, but its baby steps... a marathon and not a sprint.

We had a faculty meeting at work and I should find out in the next few days whether I will be offered a contract for the upcoming school year. I have mixed feelings about it all. This school year has been so challenging and stressful. I missed the babies like crazy.
I have been looking for job at other schools but nothing has panned out. I am really waiting for God to lead me but it is really difficult.

To stop it all off .... I have managed to put on 10 lbs. in the past year. Which sucks. Oh well, gotta move forward. School is out in 3 weeks and I will get back on track. I will stop turning to food. I will make me a priority.


Spring cleaning

...begins with the mind.

I bought a new book title Organize Now. To say the least, the book is much needed. I had been feeling lately like I could not get a grasp on my life. I could not make time for everything. I was feeling very overwhelmed and under inspired. So i saw this book in Lowe's and picked it up.

SO this is week 1... I started May 1st. Week 1 is the first of 4 weeks under the sub topic of Organize Yourself. . Week 1 topic Organize your Mind.

So my goals this week are to:
  • get 7 hours sleep a night
  • start each day with a to do list
  • start a journal (I am going get my blog up & going again)
  • Limit TV
  • Practice Meditating ( I am going to pray)
  • Schedule time to exercise
  • Schedule ME time
  • Eliminate energy drainers
  • Take Control of my time
I am excited about getting ME in order from the ground up. I welcome any comments and/or tips.

the more things change

the more they stay the same. i miss bloggiing * decided 2 blg from my phone. sorry in advance for any typos. i have been puttin off bloggin because im frustrated with myself. i also hate my failure being on display. but maybe daily reflection is exactly what i need. cuz all the stuff i need 2 do isnt getting accomplished.


on the right track

I sucked it up and went to the gym this a.m.
I did 45 mins on the cross trainer. I went 2 church and really felt the spirit move through me. I then took time out with the family. I still struggling with some resentment, but by taking care of me 1st I am working through it.


What I want for myself....

better than... nights spent on FB.
better than...a house full of crap .
better than...being 225 lbs.
better than.... just settling for the way things are.

I can't change others, but I can change myself.
I can demand more of my life.
I can demand more of myself.
I can stop letting myself down.
I will do better.
I am worth it.
Some people may not like it.
But I have to make my life work for me.
At the end of the day, I have to like what I see in the mirror.
No one else can do that for me.

Goals for Sun. 04/18/ 2010 for a better me
  • workout
  • plan out week of fitness activities
  • get work clothes ready
  • update songs on iPod
  • finish energy drainer list
  • tackle one ED


Every day is a new day

a new day 2 start over... make things right... get back on track. i am only a failure when i quit trying. i made it 2 thje gym 2day and feel so much better about myself. i have decided against the 5k next weekend? or have i? i haven't ran n almost a month but maybe i'll walk it. im not sure yet. my climb is in exactly 4 weeks. and i trained for that today. i climbed around 800plus steps. the climb is a total of 1150. i know i can manage doing ok on the climb. i really wanna beat my time from last year. i wanna do it in 15minutes. i have raised $70. so my pleas for donations starts today also.
gotta run. will add to this post later.

Here a blurry pic of me on the stair climber. You get the idea.


As i lay here nursing my almost 15mo baby girl, i feel really blessed. i need 2 b more thankful as life is 2 short & 2 precious. i am doin so so on my plan. all the spare valentine candy is really messin me up. i havent worked out in the afternoon but i have been working out in the early a.m. Wednesday i did the fitness coach. this a.m. i did the wii fit. i would have worked out earlier & longer but Angel was exercise blocking.


Not so manic Monday....

I ate ok today.
Breakfast- slim sandwich
Snack-Think bar
Lunch-salad with chicken and alil too much dressing
Dinner- Beef teriyaki

pre- biggest loser 35 minutes
23 minutes on biggest loser

Everyone is asleep. I have a slight stomach ache. I wanna wake up in the a.m. and do my bggest loser workout. I guess it all depends how much sleep i get 2night. The baby is still in the bedwith us & that makes getting decent sleep really hard.


Another new beginning,....

I have still been playing with this weight loss thing. Its like I cant even write about it because I feel like a failure. I guess I am not quite a failure becuz I havent stopped trying yet.

I want to quit. It want to do what is easy, but I think I will hate myself more than I do already. I am getting over an upper respiratory infection. So i havent been exercising. My 5k is in 3 weeks I am so not ready. I will still do it. I hate feeling like a am a quitter. I also have officially put my daughter on a 'diet'. I didn't want to do it but she needs to get her eating under control. She is 5'4" and weighs 186lbs. I am 40 lbs bigger than her. So therefore, my example is really crappy. So i want us to work on this together.

Did i mention the betting pool at work? There are 4 of us. We each put in 20 a month. So since Jan 2010 guess how much I have lost...? NOTHINg. I am actually up 1.2 lbs. What a bunch of crap. But I am moving forward. I have my lunch packed and since money is tight I will be eating small breakfasts.

I would blog more but lately I have been so down that it is hard to find the words. I feel like I keep talking and not doing. I need to be dooing more and not talking.

I will make this happen for myself.


Weigh in Wednesday

Yay me.. a loss of 3.4#.
I didnt feel like I was starving and I didnt kill myself at the gym


ON track, I think

I just finished 17 minutes on my wii fit and it is 530am. I was said when thr scale said I weighed the same. I should be glad that it didn't go up. I will take victory where I can get it. I have the day ahead of me and I am going to make the best of it. Well... gotta go.


decent 1/2 week

I think this 1/2 week went ok. I stayed clear of Chik-fil-a for breakfast and I ate every 3 hours. I also made sure that I have been drinking alot of water.


thought on 2/16/10s

224# and 45.5 % body fat.
I know how but I do not know why. I also know why is only 1/2 the issue. The bigger issue is whta now. I cannot go on like this/ Yo-yoing between wanting to get in shape and wanting to eat like there is no tomorrow. especially because there is a tomorrow and the way I am headed I will be fatter tomorrow than today. I am working on getting back on track. I do not want to continue to be a failure. But I need to want it more than I have wanted it in the past becuz I haven't wanted it enough.



Yes it is only Tuesday evening, but hey. I wanted to post. I am trying out a new schedule.

And I include blogging. I need 2 get more things together & then I will have more to blog about. I made it 2 the gym and did 25 minutes on the treadmill. I didn't wanna do it, but, as always, I did it.

Workout update
Tuesday- cardio -YES, legs--NO

So i am planning to go take this boot camp class 2 morrow and I hope it doesn't kill me



I hope to be productive this week.

Workout days:

Workout plan:
TUE-cardio & legs
WED-boot camp conditioning
THU-cardio & upper body
FRI-cardio & abs
SAT-5k training

Other things I wanna get done:
mail package to my mom
pack lunch every day for work
put away daughters laundry
do 1 load of laundry per day
cook dinner Monday-Friday
lesson plans for 2/1 and 2/8

It feels good to have a plan for my week. Hopefully I get a few followers to keep me honest. I am strongly considering doing to breast cancer 3 day walk. It is 60 miles over 3 days. I know I can the walk. The big question is can I raise the funds. The find raising goal is $2300. I have about 9 months to raise it but I am a little weary. I am going to see who I can get to walk with me and maybe that'll be the extar push I need.

My walk/run on Saturday went well. My time improved by a little ovr 30 seconds.
My 1st week pace was 17:52. My distance was 1.12 in 15 minutes.
My 2nd week pace was 17:12. My distance 1.75 miles in 25 minutes.

So I am improving and that is very encouraging.


Fake, Fraudm Phony

I am giong on my 2nd training run today. I am dreading it. I need it though. I am glad that I am doing it. I just feel like a fraud. I'm not a runner. I am not a fitness buff. I am a fitness fraud. I say that because I do not do all of the fit things I know that I should be doing.

And oh how it shows. I weight over 215# so it is obviously I am unhealthy. I dont even feel like I dress the part right. I am wearing these gross sweat pants and 2 junky shirts. Yes I am whining about my clothes. I am in a mood & I hope that if i blog about it I can move past it. I know that no one id perfect and I am probably being t o hard on myself.

Maybe I am not being hard enough on myself. NOt holding myself to a high enough standard. Not requiring more of myself. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I really wanna lose this weight but I do not really want 2 do what it takes to make it happen. I wanna eat like I have been eating and still lose weight. It doesn't work that way.

I apologize for my ramblings, I just needed to share.


Blah Monday

I really did not like this Monday. I woke up in funk. Hubby wanted to spend QT and I was 2 sleep y to be bothered. But oh well. That is married life I guess. I weighed in 220# this a.m.
I was planning to go to the gym but I have 2 work at my school until 6pm. So gym is cancelled for today. I may however decide to use my wii to squeeze in some exercise. That is what I did yesterday and managed to eek out 30 minutes of activity. I started to make myself a weekly schedule to plan out my exercise and other stuff. I hope this helps me focus more. I want to attend to the things tHt areally matter to me.

My health matters to me. My 5k traning starts this Saturday. I pray it isnt too cold and that I dont suck too badly.



It is the end of my winter break. I had all of these great plans of what I wanted to do. I did not meet my own expectations. I am not beating myself up. I am just dealing with it. I had an enjoyable break. I had to nurse my sick babies back to help. I am thankful that they are all better.

I am pretty much ready 4 the week ahead. My plan is to work a strong day from 7am -330pm every day and hit the gym, after work. I have already packed my gym bag, charged my ipod, and now I need a workout plan.

I am thinking that I will re-do the c25k plan. Plus add in weight training. I wanna devote 45 minutes to 1 hour on myself. 30 minutes cardio and 15-30 minutes weight training.

Did I mention that I got the "OK' from dear hubby that if I wanted to could register for the "Women on the Run" Training Series. Its only $50 for 11 weeks worth of training and weekly runs. So now I have 2 just committ to doing it. I need 2 rid myself of my excuses.


Resolution Run-Done

I completed my 2nd 5k and my 1st one of 2010.
Yay me.

This one was quite different from the 1st one that I trained for. To say the least I felt the difference. I haven't been working out much and I did this one with my 12 yo daughter. She heard me talk about it and asked if she could do it with. I was pretty sure she would not be able to run most of it but I didn't want to discourage her. So I allowed her to do it with me. It was on January 1st at 12pm. It was in the 30's that a.m.

There was hundreds of runners at this annual event. It was put on by the Atlanta Track Club. It always feels ackward to be around so many fit people. I look forward to the day when I fell like I belong. I don't feel unwelcome there....just outta place. But I won't be outta place for long..that is for sure. My final time was 54:28. That time was 12 minutes slower than my 1st 5k. But I figured it would be. I was 53 out of 55 participants in my age group. I was very dissappointed I was so far down. I did, however, run much less than I wanted because I did not want to leave my daughter to face her 1st 5k on her own. Her time was 1 second faster than mine. She placed 35 out of 35 in her age group.

I think this was eye opening for her. I also think it was a confidence builder. I want her to realize that she is capable of doing anything she sets her mind to.

I am contemplating joining the Atlanta Track Club. A family membership is only $60. I think it would be great if the entire family started running. I saw several little kids doing the 5k and the 10k. I know that good fitness for my family starts with my example.

I go back to work this week after being off for 2 wks. I am still trying to wrap my mind around it. I will blog more later when I am not so sleepy.

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