11.23.2010

fighting myself

i am @ it again. this whole getting healthy thing feelin like a battle within myself. i say i wanna lose weight & be healthy but so often my actions are counterintuitive. i need 2 stop failin myself. i deserve so much better. i know im worth this.

i know that my situation with my mom still being here isnt helping either. i dislike her and i need 2 address that. yet that is real difficult when she is in my life full time.

its like being a kid agin without control over my environment. its like i lost a piece of my peace when she arrived. it sucks that by doin right by her i am wronging myself. wtf.

my 39th bday is in a few days. i don't dread getting older but i do wish my life was a little better. i know i have alot 2 b thankful for but i have always been who looks for improvement. i have been told that i am never satisfied.

yet why should i be happy with less than what i want? should i change what i want?

is it wrong to want to be a healthy weight?
want my children to be polite & respectful?
to want date nights with my hubby w/o having 2 beg?
to want a few girlfriends i can hang out with?
to want my spouse 2 clean up behind himself?
to want weekends that inolve more thn sitting home.

gott go will finish later

1 comment:

  1. The tales of my sloppiness have been greatly exaggerated..lol

    ReplyDelete

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