7.27.2010

Back 2 work

Yay me. I got hired by real school district. I am so thankful. So I started this week working. Summer ended 2 abruptly, but hey I can handle it. So today was day 2. The training was slow as heck. I barely survived. I have one more day and I can do this.

After work, I got really frustrated with my teenage daughter. She asked 2 go 2 youth at church. I told her I was 2 tired then she pouted. So I agreed, and told her it would be the last time because I cannot be running all over town after work. This church is 20 minutes one way. SO I do it and pull off and she calls me back and says the program is on a break until August. I could have screamed.

Oh well... its in the past. Then I came home and was 2 tired 2 cook dinner. So we had Zaxbys salads. Then I washed the babies and put them to bed.

Anyway... I am winding down and trying to focus on getting a routine down.

7.10.2010

The only person is me.....

Sometimes I look at my life and smile so big that my face hurts. I catch my babies playing in pool and looking like treasures from heaven. But more times than I care to acknowledge I look around and just get angry. Not that my life is horrible. It isn't horrible, it is just less than what I really want. I am not sure how to explain it.

I feel like Prince's mother...Never satisfied. I know I personally have a several areas where I feel like I have let myself do and be less than I want. I also feel like I have my family behaving in a manner that is way less than what I want for myself and/or for us. Sometimes I can easily deal with or push it out of my mind. Other times it consumes my thoughts and builds up resentment in me that can and has overflowed out of me.

The question I face is what to do and how to handle it...? I know that I am sensitive, but I also know that right is right. I do not want to lower my standard. I also hate feeling frustrated and misunderstood. When I try to explain to hubby how I feel he just complains and asks me what else I want to complain/bitch about.

I do not think he gets that those kinds of remarks push me away from him and create negative feelings towards him that build and build. Those negative feelings concern me more than I have the words to express. I do not want an average life...I definitely do not want a life of less.

I am coming to the realization that I am going to as the song says..."Do me." Cause I really believe that no one else is going to look out 4 me. I know , except for my father in heaven, that I am in this on my own. The only person fully on my side is me. The only person always in my corner is me.

The only person is me.....

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