10.27.2011

5 Ways to Avoid Divorce


I saw this article and had to read it. I am on my 3rd ( and last & BEST) marroage but was very curious how and what 'the experts' think one should do to stay married.

The article was written by Delia Lloyd.

I will just comment on the five points and welcome your opinions on the content.

So the couple that saves together stays together. And 2 much 'materialisticness' can erode communication..led to poor conflit resolution problems... This is not a shocker. In one of my 'other' marriages my spouse would spend w/o regard to bills or budgets and that caused a great deal of tension. It really comes down to shared value system where money is concerned. How can one expect to build a rock solid marriage if he we spend our money is in constany conflict or money is just being blown for no reason. Being materialstic really hurts a marriage on many levels... but it would stand to reason as those kind of people place more of a value on things than people.
This mandate quotes several studies stating that (1) divorce rate lower in couples where the woman works , (2) separate gender roles is not as helpful in marriages as it was in 195o's and 1960's, (3) working outside home is good for couple's sex life, (4) both working  makes men help more around the house which contributes to happier homes.
 Overlapping interests are important but everyone needs a private space. For my hubby it is the garage. He has his own interests (muscle cars) and that is his thing. I like exercising and doing stuff outside. We have to respect the fact that each of us has our own "thing" that we like to do. Apparently the old adage ..."Absence makes the heart grow fonder." is actually accurate. I have always liked the phrase "How can I miss you if you don't go away....?" A study of 200 wives marriaed over 15yrs ssaid that time part made them (1)more self-reliant, (2) more passionate for their spouses, and (3) more emotionally secure. I have wanted that kinda time for myself but have yet to have it. I would welcome some quiet time for my own personal growth and improvement. I am blessed in this marriage as in my previous married my spouse was untrustworthy and that makes time apart unpleasant and scary.

This is a no-brainer. Sex is more than just the physical act. It is intimacy and closeness at its purest for a married couple. I do not think we owe our partner sex, but there will be times when one is "in the modd" and the other is not. Sometimes we have to "take one for the team".  It us about being physically and emotionally available. A good sex life is a key component to a happy, long-lasting marriage.

 This is so important. The 1st thought I had was "the devils in the details". In reality, it is the little things that let people know you care. Picking up your fav drink when u 2 are not together.I think the 5 to 1 ratio is a great guide to work on so one can remember to stay positive with their spouse and continue to nurture the love that they have. It is so easy to get complacent & I think that is the way to slowly and painfully kill a good marriage.

So what do you think of these 5 tips...?
Which one is your strong suit & which one do you struggle with...?
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1 comment:

  1. Wow. I agree, 100%, with all of these. Mr. Pea and I have been married almost 26 years. The one rough patch in our marriage, the time when we shared many ugly words with each other, involved money and work. There was a period of time when I wasn't working outside of the home. It caused some major pinching of our finances, to the point where we got way, WAY in debt between tuition for our kids, assisted living expenses for Mr Pea's mom, house/car repairs, etc. It was an awful time for us, so stressful, and it was hurting our entire family. Mr. Pea felt useless because even as a professional with a masters degree he couldn't support us on his own, and accused me of not contributing enough. I felt that I WAS contributing by raising four small children, but also guilty because our expenses were so high, I had a degree and a license to practice engineering and I wasn't bringing in a paycheck.

    So I went back to work, full time, outside the home. We both worked very hard for eighteen months to pay off everything we owed - eating beans and rice, selling everything we could sell, no dates, no new clothes, spending nothing except for food and utilities.

    When the crisis was over, I stayed at work. I love being my own person away from my husband and children. It's so much better to come home to them every day. I love the financial freedom, knowing that we are stable, strong in our marriage, and able to provide for our children.

    And the sex thing? Yes. It's not just a physical act; it's a sacred bonding that ties a married couple so inexplicably, wonderfully together.

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