planning. planning. planning.

I am 4 days into my exercise streak. I faced my coach and my numbers. I just have so far to go. I want it all yesterday. I know it doesn't work that way.

I keep coming up with plans but I do not really stick with them. SO then I wonder, what is the point.

I need to kick the excuses aside and just do what needs to be done. This is my life. Only I can make it better for myself. No one else can do it for me.



i always feel like i am on the brink of getting it together. have greaat plans but not enough follow thru. i need to get more consistent & disiplined with myself. it is all well and good 2 have a support system but it is more important 2 b true 2 urself. that is an area i am working on improving. chaanges r coming. i just have 2 b sure 2 not trip myself up.


As my winter break draws to close and the new year approaches, I wonder what the new year holds. How much will change & how much will stay the same. I can only control myself so i can be responsible for my own actions, my growth, my improvement or decline. For so long I have looked 2 others for my validation & self worth but that is so last decade.


The Spark-intro Notes

I would be in aplace of complete health and wholeness.

My life would be simple, organized, and clean.
M body would be strong, lean, and able to do whatever I asked of it with ease.
My favorite activity would be boxing, tennis, hiking. mountain climbing, running.

My daily life would include time for everythign...

This is not about a diet. It is about a healthy lifestyle.

What is most important to me is my family & my well being.
Fr today I want to read and prepare my mind for a change.

Four cornerstones include:
  1. Fitness
  2. Fire
  3. Focus
  4. Positive Force

uncontrollable intentions

I do not like things that I cannot control. I do not like things I cannot change either. I do not like having to deal with people that are problems. I think I am very normal in that sense.

I write that to say I wish I did not have people who cause drama and stress in my life. Some people cannot be avoided... my mom for example. I can only ignore her calls so much. I can only keep our conversations short. I have to do what is right by her with out jeopardizing my sanity, my marriage, and the welfare of my family.

I have been struggling with getting my body back to the gym. Its so frustrating sometimes. Frustrating when I think about it, When I see myself in the mirror. I wish I could just snap my finger and make this fat disappear. I know. I know. It isn't going to happen. But hey. I can dream.

I have great intentions. I intend to go to the gym. I intend to eat healthy. I intend to count my calories. But all of that equals nothing as i haven't done crap in weeks.

On well there is always 2morrow. Lord willing.


Change begins with me

I have been feeling down for awhile. I can't seem to get motivated. It is so irritating. I do not want to stay this weight, but it is so easy to just do nothing.

I deserve better for myself. I read blogs of other people and see how they do it. I do not wanna fail. But I am failing but not even trying.

I need to find solutions and not excuses....

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