2.26.2011

What is home...?

I moved to Atlanta in the summer of 2007. I can still remember crying as we got on the highway. Scared and unsure of what my future held. I was newly married and 7 months pregnant. It was a very challenging time. Ever since I left Florida I have missed my friends. Missed the familiar. Going to the beach, eating at a good Cuban restaurant, shit like that.

There were times I would cry..just missing Florida. I just recently visited their and as much as things change... they stay the same. I squeezed in a few fun things... nails, hair, tattoo... and some quality time with my friends.

But it wasn't how I envisioned it. Every1 made like they missed me & we would hang out but it did not pan out like that. I was a bit disappointed, but then I realized i was going HOME to new life.

My new life is wonderful and I appreciate it now more since I was away than I did before. My life isn't perfect but it is perfect for me. I feel so blessed. As I lay here... i count the hours until I get back to my beautiful life.

2.21.2011

Making Lemonade

So my mom leaves 2morrow night. I am glad that she is going to be gone, but I wish she wasn't going to jail. It is so sad. I want so much more for her, but i cannot do it for her.

The babies are really going to miss her. I know that for sure. I am taking them to school but I will pick them up pretty early. It is important to keep them in a routine.

I cannot imagine how stressful 2morrow will be around here. I do know that it is going to really suck, but I will try to be strong and deal with everything the best way I know how.

Tonight is the first time I have really had an real emotion about her going off to jail. I am not even sure why I am crying. I am scared for her. I am worried about my oldest son and how he's going to deal with it. I pray my mom doesn't do anything else stupid.

I know that she isnt the 1st grandmother to go to jail. I just never imagined in a million years that I would have to deal with this I do not know why this all surprises me so much. I have had a lifetime of her drama. I am so tired of being burdened with her issues.

2.13.2011

Goal check

I did well on some of my goals and others not so well.

  • Cardio every day 15minutes minimum.
  • 1 Stairmaster minimum
  • 1 weight training session
  • Track my food all 7 days
  • Stay within my calorie range 5 of 7 days
  • Drink my 8 glasses everyday
  • Blog 3 times during the week.

Here is how I faired last week...

6 of 7----Cardio every day 15minutes minimum. ( missed Tuesday due to taking son 2 hospital)
DONE-----1 Stairmaster Minimum ( actually did 2 stairmaster sessions)
DONE-----1 weight training session
0 of 7 NO-----Stay within my calorie range (only tracked 1 day--not good)
0 of 7 NO-----Drink my 8 glasses everyday

2.06.2011

Thoughts No Point in Sharing

0910
I try so hard to do right by everyone in my family. I do it without many thanks as I know that isn't the nature of people. But lately I am so tired of getting any criticism. Especially when I do so much more than everybody else. Sometimes I just wanna tell people to shut the EFF UP!

0930
Feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. Plus sad, I hope this whirl wind of emotions pass.

2.02.2011

???

Feeling so alone.
So misunderstood.
Why can't my feelings be acknowledged.
Why ask me questions that you already know the answer to?
Why I am so upset?
Why would you wanna leave me home?
Am I not fun?
Don't I like to do stuff?
We don't do enough stuff together as it is.

I miss my friends. I wish my best friends lived closer. No one here gets me. At times I think he does, then again he doesn't or he wouldn't hurt me. He wouldn't ask me things her KNOWS would upset me. He would comfort me & realize my needs... especially when it comes to social events. It would be different if we had busy calendar together. But we don't. For the most part, our life is pretty boring. I accept that. I accept it because that is the sacrifice for family. It is just ironic how he can manage to get stuff to do for him but not for us.

If I do something away from my husband, it usually because he doesn't want to do it.

I really hate this hopeless sad feeling that has come over me. I'm done for tonight.

Super Bowl Sorrow

Just another example of how some areas of my life are not what I want. What is wrong with me wanting to spend Super Bowl Sunday watching the games with my hubby? Why would I want to sit home and watch the game by myself? Why would he even ask?

I am just so disappointed & frustrated. Why does he wanna do single stuff and just leave me behind?

Oh well... im gonna cry some, read some, then go to sleep.
This day needs to come to an end.

Pictures

I have been thinking about pictures and body image alot lately. I do not take as many pics of myself as I used to. I mean I really have a scroll thru my iPhoto library to find pics of me. I just don't like how I look most times.

I have never been uber confident but with the extra weight it is even more difficult to get in front of the camera. i miss taking pics with my kids. They are 2 cute 2 b stuck n a pic with such a fatty for a mama.

i know I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I am doing better. I am exercising daily and back 2 tracking my food. I just wanna get through this so I can relax more and like what I see in the mirror.

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