Not enough words

Well I had the best of intentions for after work today. It was one of my rare early days when I got out of work on time. I Think that was my first mistake. Short story of it is people frustrated me and irritated me and I'm just through today. That's why I'm laying in bed and it's not even 10 PM. I recognize that I have a lot of responsibility. Will do my best to try to meet all the needs then I'm supposed to. But sometimes I just want to come home and crawl into bed before the sun even goes down. And today was one of those days. 

As I lay here with tears in my eyes I know that it's my emotions as well as my situation and circumstances that have me feeling this way. I kNow it's just the devil tried to steal my joy. I want to learn how to remain calm and even-tempered.  I'm pretty sure that would be easier if I didn't feel so stressed. Really feel like I need some time to myself. But I never really get it. But when I do it's 9 o'clock at night when I'm too exhausted to even be able to complete a thought. So what good is it time to load if I'm just exhausted stressed or sleepy. 

It's useless. That's what time alone at 9 o'clock to 10 o'clock or 11 o'clock is to me. Oh well I'm gonna put this day to bed and then tomorrow's a new day. 


First mess up not the last

I knew that we can was going to be a stumbling block. I'm disappointed that I did not prepare better. But I did learn a few things about myself.
1.  I can do it if I really want to. 
2.  I am more likely to be successful if I plan and keep crap outta my reach. 
3. In terms of my checklist... I think less is more. 
4.  Also the checklist needs to not to speak easy stuff there needs to be some real challenge there. 
5. The biggest key piece I think I'm missing is accountability or support system. My hubby gives me free reign and. Never strikes to hold me accountable. 

So I've decided to make my daily list 10 items or less
100 days read
Carbs under 100
Protein over 60
Steps over 10k
Water 64oz or more
Teeth 2x 

Feedback on my new to do list would be great. 


Protect the program

Day 6 is titled protect the program and with the weekend approaching that's very fitting. Most of my indulgences happen on the weekend because I'm more relaxed and I have greater access to the foods I love to eat. 

Even at work today it was a very tempting environment. One of my coworkers front of the cake for our whole team. I was very proud of myself for having probably what would be one 20th to 1/32 of a slice of a piece a cake.  I don't agree with the chapter when it talks about not telling people i'm the kind of person I like to be accountable and if everyone knows I'm trying to be healthier and they're less likely to try to tempt me. 

 That's why do this blog and posted on my Facebook pages so I have more accountability. But everyone is different and has to do it works for them. Speaking of which I'm very tempted to weigh myself in the morning.  It'll be nice to know that what I'm doing is working maybe just going every two days and That would help with the desire that I have to keep checking the scale. 

The book says list three challenging times. 
1-The weekends
2-if I'm up too late at night
3-if I go to work without my snacks prepared

Gotta run falling asleep. 


Magic Notebook

Well I've made it today five and I feel relatively successful. I'm tracking my food I am resisting temptation I am putting stickers on my checklist. For me it's about building routines and being accountable.  Day five and 100 days of weight-loss talked about keeping a magic notebook. I love notebooks all ooffice materials actually. I actually have a collection of notebook. However when pI thought about the term magic notebook I didn't think of my spiral notebooks I thought of my blog. And also thought about my Facebook page big butt theory.  Those are the places I feel I could be the most genuine in the most reflective. 

It was a good feeling to know I'm doing one thing right. The key is to build on the healthy habits and grow. I want to weigh in when I told myself I would only went twice a week so I'm fighting that temptation and waiting until Sunday. I don't want to let the scale be what determines my mood or how I feel and I want to keep the freedom that I've given myself. Haven't been to the physical gym as much as I would like this week I'm hoping to improve that next week. It will be nice to see even a loss of a pound and a half or 2 pounds without consistently going to the gym.  In my mind it would mean if I ripped up my cardio and weight training I could see it even better loss next week. 

Lemar and I've been talking about my surgery and the things I need to do to get ready for that summer trip. My first step is to put a deposit down on a date. I have committed to not doing that until I weigh 175. I haven't stuck in the 180s for so long that 10 pounds really matters to me.  It would also be taking me out of the obese category and put me in the overweight. That's major and I really really want to see that happen before I turn 43 in November. Now that I think about it I'll probably make a blog post that I can update with status just on the prep for the mommy makeover. 

Here's hoping that I am the week as strong as I started. 


I like the concept in day four. Day #4 talks about looking at what you eat to lose weight in terms of boundaries. Boundaries give you guidelines and not rigidity.  Think of it as staying in between the lines on the road to success. The assignment at the end was simple. Two columns one for weight loss and one for maintenance. 

Maintenance I think is the easier one to deal with first. I have been able to maintain the weight for about eight months. Next involves eating normally with the occasional snack and exercise 3 to 4 days a week. It also allows for eating out once or twice a week as long as I don't overindulge. 

Figure out the boundaries for weight-loss is what I'm tweaking out now. I've lost the bulk two thirds of the way I want to lose. I only have no more than 35 pounds to go. So I've set up some guidelines for myself. Keeping my carbs low my proteins high and making sure I get in at least 10,000 steps a day. But the most important thing to me is not mindlessly eating. I think that is how I ended up in maintenance and didn't hit my goal within the first year or so.. 

I got comfortable being a lot smaller. However I'm not so comfortable that I'm happy where I'm at. Hence the need for boundaries that I am now Enforcing. 

Oh by the way I'm down about half a pound from Sunday and I'm going to fight the urge and not weigh in again until Sunday as well. The game I play with the scale is one I don't want to play anymore.  This weight-loss battle is not fought in days it's fought in weeks and months and moments. 

Four days down 96 to go... On no wait it's actually a lifetime to go. I'm worth and I deserve and I will have a healthy lifestyle for the second half of my life. 

On a more random note I decided to include a picture of something that brought me a great deal of joy this evening. In the midst of drama and handling a bunch stuff I didn't want to do. On a quick stop to OfficeMax I found this beautiful display of what looked like 1 million pens and it made me all warm and fuzzy inside. 

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